if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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