i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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