i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm passing your future prison.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
