You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
