i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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