The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
