Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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