you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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