i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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