I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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