I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
