i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
