he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
