I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize