have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
