I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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