I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck appropriateness.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
