yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize