Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize