I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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