someone get that fucking seahorse.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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