Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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