$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
