Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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