she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
