Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My first STD was from a foam party
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
