she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
