Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
