Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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