I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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