worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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