I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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