so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
