no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
