first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
