You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
