And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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