You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
