woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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