I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
