I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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