a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
