I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize