Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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