Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
one two three fourrrrnication!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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