why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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