i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
