Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
