you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
