shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
