TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
