I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
