GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
