WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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