Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
