I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
