i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think my tv is drunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
