My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize