why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
