I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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