I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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