WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
