hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize