im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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