i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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