How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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