i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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