she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
