i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
