we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
