Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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