Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
