i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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