Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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