Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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