Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize