your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
