Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize