Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
