Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
