my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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