six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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