Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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