Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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