btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
