Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
