haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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