last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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