You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
